Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
