someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Alive.
So much puke
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
