Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
