They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
