When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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