I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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