help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
