Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you had me at cake vodka
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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