A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
