would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Randomize
