We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
