I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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