So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
