Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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