Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
