Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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