I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
