we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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