That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
