9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
