my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
