he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
