the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
