just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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