When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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