Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
