why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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