you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
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