no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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