some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
