im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
