Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
you inspire me to be a worse person
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
