I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
only if we run a train.
done.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
