I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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