for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My vagina is officially offended.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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