I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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