mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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