I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Randomize
