Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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