you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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