It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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