So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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