I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just gargled with NyQuil
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
