He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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