something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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