My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
