I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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