take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
