I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
