nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
