Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
