so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
